Chat:Morality Majors
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KawaiiSpinel: So I have five people in Torchwood.
KawaiiSpinel: Or will have.
magi: I have TWO.
magi: Three, when Jack's not... you know.
magi: Any more.
Aubrey: I love how all you say on that subject is "...you know".
Aubrey: WHAT IF WE DON'T KNOW?
magi: THEN I WILL EXPLAIN AT LENGTH
magi: IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT, AUB?
Aubrey: MAYBE IT IS.
magi: OKAY SO BASICALLY ONCE UPON A TIME WHEN JACK WAS A LITTLE BOY ON THE BOE-SHAYNE PENINSULA HE WAS DISFUNCTIONAL AND DIDN'T GET ON WITH HIS FAMILY THAT WELL
magi: ESPECIALLY HIS PARENTS
Evie: OMG STORITIEM WIF MAHGEE
magi: HE REALLY SUCKED AT BEING A GOOD SON AND, YOU KNOW, A GOOD PERSON IN GENERAL AND EVEN HIS TWINS WHO WENT ON TO DO THINGS LIEK - I'M KEEPING THAT TYPO JUST FOR YOU - LIEK SRS HYDROPONICS THOUGHT HE WAS A BIT OF A FUCKUP
magi: SO HE DECIDED TO JOIN THE TIME AGENCY... OR WAS IT THE *TIEM* AGENCY?
magi: BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU DO IF YOU'RE A FUCKUP - YOU JOIN THE TIME AGENCY
magi: THE SAD THING IS, IT'S TRUE
Aubrey: JUST ASK HART.
magi: AND HE RAN AROUND WITH THE TIME AGENCY AND THOUGHT HE WAS PRETTY COOL AND EVERYONE ELSE THOUGHT HE WAS PRETTY COOL UNTIL THEY FOUND OUT THAT THE TIME AGENCY WAS EEEEEEVIL
magi: IT JUST TOOK JACK A FEW MORE YEARS THAN THE REST OF INTELLIGENT SOCIETY
Evie: (AND HART STILL HASN'T CAUGHT ON)
magi: SO HE WENT HOME TO HIS SIBLINGS AND WENT "CAN HAS AMNESTY PLZ?" AND HIS SIBLINGS WERE LIEK "OMG STFU YOU'RE A FUCKUP"
magi: EXCEPT THEN THEY FIGURED OUT THAT FAMILY IS IMPORTANT AND OFFERED HIM AMNESTY AND IT WAS ALL HEARTWARMING AND SHIT
magi: AND THEN EVIL CAME.
L: DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
magi: IN THIS CASE IT WAS THE TIME LORDS AND THE DALEKS BLASTING BOE-SHAYNE OUT OF EXISTENCE SO HARD IT COULDN'T BE FOUND IN HISTORY BOOKS ANY MORE
magi: CAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN A TIME WAR - OR IS IT A TIEM WAR ???
Aubrey: The Doctor: *IS SO SORRY*
Evie: Romana: *IS SO VERY SORRY*
Jaqui: The Master: *REALLY ISN'T SORRY AT ALL*
Evie: The Rani: *REALLY DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK*
magi: AND JACK WAS ALL LIEK "TRAUMA-RAMA! GUESS THIS MEANS I GOTTA TURN EVIL" AND BECAME JOHN THANE AND HATED ALL TIME LORDS
magi: AND PROBABLY DALEKS TOO BUT WE CARE LESS ABOUT THEM
Evie: BECAUSE EVERYBODY HATES DALEKS
L: Daleks: EX-TER-MIN-ATE.
Aubrey: ALSO, THEY'RE DEAD.
Aubrey: EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE.
Aubrey: AND THOSE FOUR.
Aubrey: AND THOSE OTHER BILLION OR SO.
Aubrey: AND THOSE FOUR AGAIN.
Aubrey: AND THEN THAT ONE. PLUS SEVERAL BILLION. PLUS DAVROS.
L: BASICALLY DOCTOR YOU FAIL AT GENOCIDE
Aubrey: SEVERAL. TIMES. OVER.
Aubrey: OH, WAIT, I FORGOT THOSE SEVERAL THOUSAND.
magi: AND THEN THANE FUCKED UP AND GOT STUCK IN A SELF-FULFILLING PARADOX LOOP AND GOT HIS MEMORY WIPED AND BECAME JACK HARKNESS WHO WAS ALSO A FUCKUP, BUT ALSO ALSO A FUCKUP AT *BEING* A FUCKUP, SO HE FAILED ON MULTIPLE LEVELS
magi: AND THEN JACK WAS LIKE "YEAH, BUT HOW MUCH OF A FUCKUP WAS I REALLY? I'LL GO HAVE THE MEMORIES WHICH THEY AMPUTATED TO KEEP ME FROM GOING IRREPARABLY INSANE UN-AMPUTATED! THIS IS THE *BEST* PLAN"
L: JACK SUDDENLY DOESN'T FAIL AT BEING A FUCKUP! :D
magi: AND BAD IDEA DINOSAUR WAS LIKE, "RAWR," AND PROBABLY SLEPT WITH HIM
Evie: FAIL!JACK IS A DINOPHILE AND NO LONGER FAILS
L: THEY HAD AN ORGY WITH THE BAD NEWS BEARS
magi: AND HE WENT AND UN-AMPUTATED HIS MEMORIES AND THEN HIS MEMORIES BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM AND HEADED FOR THE HILLS, IN THIS CASE DEFINED AS THE NEAREST BAR
magi: AND THEN THANE WENT "GRR ARG I'M SKETCHY AND EVIL AND I LUUUURVE YOU ALL... NOW GET ME SOME FUCKING TIME LORDS"
L: OM NOM TIEM LORD
magi: AND HART WAS LIKE "I FIND YOUR BODY IDEAS INTRUIGING AND WISH TO SUBSCRIBE TO YOUR NEWSLETTER"
magi: BUT THEY ONLY GOT ONE TIME LORD BECAUSE THE DOCTOR IS THE ONLY ONE WITH THAT DEGREE OF EPIC FAIL WHEN IT COMES TO NOT BEING CAPTURED
magi: SO THEN THANE IS LIKE "I AM GOING TO TEACH YOU A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT MORALITY BY, UH, HURTING YOUR FRIENDS AND OOZING SKETCH ALL OVER YOU, DON'T ASK ME, I WAS NOT A MORALITY MAJOR" AND THE DOCTOR WAS LIKE "YOU HAD MORALITY MAJORS AT YOUR SCHOOL" AND THANE WENT "NO"
magi: AND THEN THERE WAS A SPECIAL ARMADILLO
magi: AND THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED AND WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT YET BUT THANE TURNED BACK INTO JACK AND JACK WENT "SHIT FUCK BEARS" A LOT AND BECAME AVOIDANT
magi: AND THAT IS WHAT I MEAN BY "...YOU KNOW"
